Slacker

Sorry I have been such a slacker on posting.  I am back in Kentucky trying to get a job to raise some funds to get back on the road to Alaska.  It is very frustrating to me.  I am always applying for jobs in my field of audio/video, theatre and such along with jobs just to pay the bills but I rarely even get an interview and very rarely get a job.  I apply for around 20 to 50 jobs a day... 7 days a week, anything from temporary, part time and full time position in everything from retail, childcare, to jobs in my field all over the country.  It gets really hard for me to stay positive.  It is hard to be proud of all the work I have done from spending 10 years to beat my eating disorder and have a handle on my depression along with finally graduating from college and to go on to get my masters.  Oh and all those years working with people to help them live life to the fullest and working for non-profits making very little money to learn all that I can about my field.  I have had great experiences and am very advanced in my field but it really doesn't matter.

This lack of being able to find a job is why I decided to live on the road.  Why live in poverty stuck in one place.  I figured I needed to find a way to have nothing but everything all at once.  Doing what I love and being happy is worth more than anything and living on the road does that for me.  I'm not asking to be rich... I just want to be able to eat and pay my small amount of bills and have gas for Blue to keep us going.

So the last few days I have been feeling sorry for myself... kind of tired of that crap.  Maybe I am just suppose to live life a bit different.  Even so I should be able to pay my very few bills and be able to eat every day but if I wasn't staying at my parents house I would have no food to eat.  And of course right now bills can't even be touched.  Only a few hundred dollars I need and I can't do it.  Go figure... spent hundreds of thousands of dollars so I wanted to eat and yet I can't afford to eat.  Oops, sorry... feeling sorry for myself again.

I think now is time for a new plan... figure out what is needed and be off.   Maybe a new business plan to start my own small business... maybe figuring out what I can sell and what is needed... not that I have much these days but surely there is something.

Time to set small goals again to get me thru each day.  Today I am going to finish up a hat I started for someone... it is over halfway done so it should be an easy task for today.