Randall

I had a tough couple of days the other week.  People kept telling me that I was not treating my boys very well.  That is always a huge trigger for me because I never feel I am good enough... that my boys deserve better.  Finally it had worn me down to the point I put an ad on craigslist to find my cat Randall a new home.  I had convinced myself I didn't deserve him and he needed a better home... a more stable home.  It was so very difficult for me.  I love all my boys very much and just want to give them an amazing life with the limited resources I have.  I know I am not the best mommy and I never will be but I don't think that means I don't deserve the love of an animal or that my animals are somehow worse off because of me... well I have to keep telling myself that because I don't believe that.

I have broken down in therapy many times about my boys and how I think I don't deserve them.  I tell myself when I am at my worse that they deserve so much more than me.  But they love me through all of that.  They love to be around me and that is evident by the fact they have to touch me all the time.

Anyways... I thought I had found a home for Randall and I cried for over 24 hours thinking about  loosing him.  The morning I was leaving on the road I was suppose to meet his new family.  Here is a picture of us waiting in the car... I stopped crying for a moment to snap this show... as you can see Randall was quite scared.

Lucky for us the people never showed up.  I was so happy and felt whole again.  I figured out a way where Randall could be loose in the trailer when we stop for the night and he has been loving it.

If that isn't a happy, relaxed cat I don't know what is.  I am so glad he is part of my life and will be for quite some time.