Blah to the Grocery Store.

This evening I thought I would go to the grocery store since the walmart I stay at night is not a super walmart so the food choices are limited.  I usually avoid grocery stores unless I am in the middle of nowhere and there is no other choice... And luckily then they are super small grocery stores.  The grocery store didn't go so well...

I have never figured out the fear of grocery stores... The pure panic I have when I see that much food.  I guess not wanting to have anything to do with food and not feeling I deserved food made it all too much. It was something my nutritionist and therapists I have seen have tried to get me to work on.  I use to have a weekly assignment to push a cart down every isle of the grocery store. I didn't have to buy anything just practice walking thru the store.  I have the habit if I go to a grocery store I can only walk around the perimeter and maybe the frozen food isles... I worked up to be able to take a couple steps down a regular isle and on a really good day be able to walk down certain isles. I can also walk thru the grocery store if I am with someone else, don't have to push the cart or buy anything.  And for whatever reason I can walk down the isles in the grocery section of a super walmart.  

I will never forget the first time I had to go and push an empty cart around the store.  I lived in Miami Florida and went to the grocery store down the street from my therapist's office.  It was one of those city grocery stores where the isles were small and cramped.  I was doing pretty good with my first couple of isles and then I went down one isle and this old man was taking up the whole isle.  I said excuse me and he didn't move.  I said it again and he still didn't move.  I thought I could turn around and get out but by then people blocked my other way out.  I was stuck in some sort of grocery store nightmare.  I panicked and yelled excuse me and ran the poor old guy over.  I left the cart at the end of the isle and left the store.  Sounds quite funny now but the panic was real.

Anyway, tonight I walked into the grocery store and first there were no baskets.  I try not to push a cart and usually only buy what I can fit in my hands but I thought the small basket thing would do today.  Well that threw me off.  Then everything was not in the correct order.  There wasn't that nice open space with the produce... Which is where I like to start.  It was full of stuff everywhere.  So I thought I would walk around the store and leave.  There were isles going in every direction and not a clear outer circle... The main isles had boxes on top of the shelves a couple feet high.  I got to the other back corner and was stuck.  The last isle was frozen food and again not an open space. There were quite a few people and carts and not enough space for me.  So I walked back the way I came and left.

I am quite frustrated with myself.  I couldn't do something so simple even after years of work. :/  One day I will figure it out.  Tomorrow is another day.

Finally Found the Haircut!

I have been having a horrible time finding someone to cut my hair correctly.  It is even harder when each time I get it cut I am in a different town.  I don't know why there seems to be a fear of cutting my hair too short.  It is already short and I always tell them no worries because I was bald by choice for 2 years.  They still can't seem to do it... Until this week.  I was so excited to find someone who got out the electric razor and had at it.  

I look at everything from a function point of view.  I'm not out to impress anyone or searching for some sort of mate.  I live on the road and want function.  Kind of like Blue... Having her look perfect is pointless.  I am in all sorts of weather, terrain and what have you so looking good in a societal sense is irrelevant.  Although I thnk Blue and I look pretty good.  ;)

So here is my new haircut... She even told me what she did so I could tell the next person.

Wish the clouds would roll by

I am missing the sun of the west... Maybe I am going through withdrawls.  This cloudy, dreary of the east is getting to me.  Days of rain and days of clouds and if the sun does show itself it is for a short time.  I thought a good ride yesterday would give me  energy and smiles but it didn't.  Felt great to be on the road but I think it is sun I am craving.  This coming week there are a couple of days forecasted with sun so I am going to sit outside as much as possible.  

I am enjoying meeting and spending in person time with the people I work with.  It is always fun to meet someone in person you only knew through the internet.  You are "meeting" them for the first time but could have a lengthy conversation like you have known each other forever.  I probably know the people I meet online better than people I meet for the first time in person.  For whatever reason the many barriers people put up, including myself, in person are not there in the virtual world.  Maybe it is the safety of not interacting in real time or everyone is interacting within their comfort zone instead of meeting awkwardly in a hallway or public function.  Who knows.  

I have a couple more weeks here in the east and hoping I have a few fabulous sunny days.  I did get a preview of the fabulous days here but it was short lived.  I have a few weekend plans with friends the next couple of weekends.  Having lunch today with a friend in Kingston, NY, will be meeting a few friends I met while working at Amazon the following weekends.  I need to find an interesting adventure while out here also.  I have been thinking of doing a biplane ride of the Jersey coast.  For some reason riding in a biplane has been on my to do list.  Not sure how it got there since I hate to fly and hate heights... Guess if I get the good weather and the guts it will be quite the adventure. 

On the road

I really enjoyed my few weeks in Kansas with my BFF.  Always have a good time with her and her family.  Had a lot of work to do while I was there but it felt good to be somewhere I would consider "home".

Last weekend I hit the road again to New Jersey to meet people I work with in person.  Not such an exciting road trip from the Midwest to the east coast... Probably because I have traveled that way many times.  I did stop and see the World's Largest Windchime in Casey Illinois.  Not terrible exciting but something to get off the bike for a moment and see.

I also saw this obscenely large cross in, I believe, Effington Illinois.  What the eff were they thinking?  Yes, let's destroy the land god made by putting up this huge cross...that will disrupt the creatures that god made and ruin the land that god made.  Sometimes I am not quite sure what is scarier on the road... Being in a "bad" part of town or being in an overly Christian town.  I honestly have the same heart pounding reaction to both and I don't want to be in either longer than I have to be.  That is what I thought about my ride to the east.  I never went thru a "bad" part of town but went thru many towns who feel the need to shove their ideas in your face.  I feel sad when I see things like that.  Maybe it is human nature to judge, feel you are the only one that is right, not see anything beyond yourself... Not that I never make judgements but when I realize I do I feel really bad.  I guess the first step is realizing the judgements we make.  Something I am working on myself.

Anywhos... I did have 3 of the most beautiful days of riding any biker could ask for.  Clear skies, perfect temperature and little to no wind.  Quite the difference from my trip from Arizona to Kansas with winds so strong I could barely keep us on the road.  Any which way I love my life on the road.