Lost

I'm lost... I can't find myself.  

I can't sit still... My patterns comfort me

Red hard candies, no mixing of food

Touch one side and then the other

Counting, rocking, staring into space

This is not where I want to be

This is not comfortable for me

It is familiar... a strange feeling of home

Maybe I don't deserve any better

Maybe I am where I belong

I feel bad, feel worthless, feel sad

I can't remember how to get back

This is not where I want to be

This is not comfortable for me

I try to speak but feel muted

I try to fight but feel hopeless

My needs fall on deaf ears 

To those telling me how to be

I've been here before and they haven't seen

This is not where I want to be

This is not comfortable for me

I keep fighting

For what... I'm not sure

I get lost... hopefully not for long

Each time I get lost I am closer to me

I have to remember I've done it before 

Today I'm not where I want to be

I will hope tomorrow I will find me