Goodbye My Boys

Last night while crocheting and watching TV I started to cry uncontrollably... my heart knew it was time.  The boys woke me up this morning crying.  No more putting off... today was going to be the day.

I called the vet that was closest and they refused to put down my boys without a complete examination. When I told them that wasn't going to happen they told me to go to the animal shelter.  Completely upset I hung up the phone... no idea what to do.  Then I remember a conversation I was having online with someone in Santa Fe.  She was telling me how her dog got injured and had to have stitches while she is away for the holidays.  I told her about my dogs and how I was going to have to put them to sleep and she recommended her vet.

I called that vet while crying and they said bring them in today and we will take care of everything.  No examination required.  I spent the rest of the morning holding my boys.  Telling them everything was going to be ok... but it was like they already knew.  They were so calm and content laying in my arms.

Our last picture together while waiting in the truck.

We had an appointment at 10:30 and I got there shortly after 10 since I wasn't completely sure where we were going.  This woman walks out of the clinic and to the truck I was in.  It was the neighbor from where I am house sitting.  She called me by my first name and gave me the papers to fill out while in the truck.  She came back out to get the papers and I, holding the boys, wandered inside.

How amazing is the universe.  I don't know her all that well but it felt so good to have someone know me... and know my name without having to say a thing.  It felt very comforting.

There was no need for explanation... they took the boys and I into this nice room with chairs and a mattress on the floor.  They came in and talked me thru what was going to happen... took the boys to get their catheter.  They brought them back and we chilled for a bit.  I have really never seen the two of them so relaxed.  All was going to be ok.

The doctor came in and we sat down at the mattress on the floor.  Nube was the first to go.  I petted him while he was lying on the mattress.  It was just like I had imagined it would be.  He calmly fell asleep and then was gone.  I gasped because I couldn't believe it was actually happening.

Poco was next and just as calmly fell asleep right next to me while I was petting him and Nube.  The doctor left the room and said I could stay as long as I wanted.  I stayed for a few minutes.  Gave them kisses... told them I loved them.  I took off their tags, laid them side by side and covered them with the blanket as if they were sleeping.  Blew them a kiss as I was walking out the door.

Once I got in the truck I lost it just a little.  As I was pulling away all I could say is "I lost my babies" and "I'm not momma anymore"

I held on to the blanket I brought them in... I actually have that blanket on my lap as I type... it might be my soothing touch stone for awhile.

When I got back home the first thing I did was put their tags on Blue.  I attached them with my grandma's guardian bell... so they will ride with me and I can look down and see them.

I am surprised it doesn't hurt as I thought it would... I thought I would feel physical pain in my heart... my heart would be so heavy it would shut down everything inside of me.  My heart actually feels full and light.  I burst into tears and say "I lost my babies" and sometimes hyperventilate but no pain.

I believe we all knew it was time.  They are at peace and with me forever.  I may not be a mamma anymore but I was truly loved by two amazing babies.

Love you forever, Poco and Nube!!

Blue and TicTac in 2014

Here are some pictures of Blue and TicTac in 2014.  We hit 32 states this year!

New Mexico. New Years 2014

New Mexico/Arizona border.

Campsite in Malibu California

Salvation Mountain

Campsite in Slab City

After a windy ride and attacking tumbleweed.  Oklahoma

World's Largest Wind Chime.  Casey, Illinois

Foggy morning at my parents house in Kentucky

Stopping for a day of work at a library in Kentucky.

Judy Garland Museum.  Grand Rapids Minnesota. 

Backing Blue and TicTac in a parking spot at a library in North Dakota... working those thigh muscles. 

100,000 Blue miles!  Bismark, North Dakota

First rainbow of the year border of North Dakota and Montana

Crater of the Moon, Idaho

Middle of nowhere Utah

Great Salt Lake, Utah

Mt. Shasta, California

Middle of nowhere Oregon

Middle of nowhere Washington State

Idaho/Montana border

How to dry your bras on the road... Montana

Leaving Montana

Middle of nowhere Idaho

Spending the night at Walmart in Utah

Yes, I am a wild woman.  Stopped by the cops in Utah

Sunrise in Arizona

More Arizona

Sunrise in Oklahoma

Snowy campsite in Kentucky

Snowy ride in New Mexico

Blue and TicTac's spot to finish out 2014.

People of 2014

2014 has been a great year for me.  I have met so many people I never feel alone.  This is quite amazing for someone like me... who normally prefers to be alone... usually socially awkward.  My second year on the road changed that.

I started the year off in New Mexico figuring it would be like the year before.  I get a little isolated out there by myself.  After New Mexico I went to California for my virtual job.  I met some great people there.  New friends.  Had great conversations and still talk to them today.

While in California I spent a week in Slab City where I met a group of snowbirds I hope to see again this next year.  They welcomed me instantly.  We had campfires every night.  Chili Bob took me and a Slab full timer friend on a tour of the area.  The morning I left we all went to a local restaurant and had breakfast together.

After my time in California I went to Yuma Arizona to visit Bob and Julie who I had met while working at Amazon.com that fall.  I stayed with them for a week at their RV park.  I fit right into their spot.  I was working virtually but when I wasn't working we were hanging out getting Date Shakes, visiting the old prison, cruising around the area and playing cards.

After Yuma I made the very windy journey to visit my BFF in Olathe Kansas.  I love going there because I am part of the family.  I spent a few weeks with her and her family... relaxing and working virtually.  We never seem to get a picture together but here is one with Nube making himself at home.

My BFF Angie and Nube

Then headed off to Princeton New Jersey to spend a couple of weeks working in the office of my virtual job.  Met some new friends there.  I also had the opportunity to meet up with other friends on the weekends.  Spent one weekend visiting Claudia... another friend I met at Amazon.com during the fall.  We spent the day just talking and I loved every second.

Leaving Claudia

Spent a weekend with my Bestie Donna and Joe in the Chesapeake Bay area where they were workamping.  I also spent one day with friends in Kingston New York.  I may have been bored during my off time while working in New Jersey but my weekends were filled and it was great!

After leaving New Jersey I went and spent a couple of days with my parents in Kentucky and then headed off thru Michigan and over to Minneapolis to visit my best friend, Diana, from the first college I went to at 18.  She and I went on a Mary Tyler Moore Show tour of Minneapolis.

Diana and I

On my way to Montana I stopped for a night and visited Diana's mom in North Dakota.  

I headed to Virginia City Montana to see my friend Christina in her show at the Virginia City Opera House.  I ended up spending a couple of weeks and spent my birthday with my Montana family who I worked for last summer.

My buddy and I blowing out the birthday candle

I went on a short road trip and hit all the states I was missing in the northwest and ended up coming back to Virginia City to work the rest of the summer.  I thought for sure I would be bored but I was still meeting people.

I spent a day and rode up to the Flathead Lake area to meet some lady bikers I met on Facebook.  We took a short ride and had lunch before I needed to head back.  2 women from Mexico were traveling the west and the other woman was from Seattle who joined their trip.

I met a friend of a friend who was traveling around the US in her jeep and camping with her dog Lillie. Renee and I were Facebook friends for a day and I saw she was in Montana... told her to stop by for a hot shower.  She showed up in Virginia City.  We had dinner, drank a lot, wandered the cemetery and stayed up most of the night talking.  You need to check out her blog about her travels and her new trailer named Shantilly.  Loved by Lillie

Renee and I 

I also got to meet up with Ara and Spirit from Oasis Of My Soul.  They were over the hill in Ennis and I  said they could come over and say hi.  They did!  I have been following their travels before I hit the road.  Quite cool.

Also the Browns came to visit me.  I met them at Amazon.com during the fall.  They were in Montana and made a detour just to visit me.  It was great to see people I knew and it felt great to know they came  to see me. :)

While in Beijing China I met a Canadian man I hung out with for a couple of days.  We saw some of the sights and enjoyed KFC a few times... well... I enjoyed the popcorn chicken and he said it was the best coffee he had in China.

In Chiang Mai Thailand I met a group of women who were couchsurfing with me.  I told them I was renting a motorcycle and riding to Pai and they all wanted to go.  So me with my 200cc motorcycle and them with their mopeds we made the almost 180 mile trip in one day.  What a blast!!

2 women from Sweden, 1 from Thailand, me from US, 1 from Belgium and 1 from Germany.  The youngest was 19 and I was the oldest.

When I got back to the states I took a bit of a detour to get from Montana to Kentucky.  I headed south down I-15 and then over.  On the way thru Arizona I met with my Facebook friend Remote Leigh.  Truly an awesome person and pure soul.  I think of her as my sister.  We hung out for 24 hours and never ran out of things to talk about.  I was hoping to spend Christmas hiking with her but it didn't work out.  I'm sure I will stop by again on my way west from New Mexico in February.

Leigh and I...Be sure to check out her blog ... Remoteleigh.com

I love how Facebook can join so many people together.  I joined a few Facebook groups this year where I met Leigh and the ladies I rode with in Montana.  

On my way thru New Mexico I met two women riders.  I met one on Facebook and the other one was her friend.  They rode with me for a bit.

Dusty and I

Doris and I

I stopped in New Mexico and spent a few days with the people I house sit for in the winter.

Kathy, who I met on Facebook in a Women Rider group, met up with me in Kentucky.  She rode with me to my campsite I was staying at while working at Amazon.  She turned out to be a great friend and we had many adventures during my time in Kentucky.  

Kathy and I

I spent all my time in Kentucky with my bestie Kitty... Kathy would join us on some of our adventures.

Kitty and I

This is pretty much our entire time together. :)

I also got to see Donna and Joe again.  We were all camped close to each other.  Had campfires, days out and dinner a few times.

Me, Donna, Joe and Kitty

I met some other Kentucky women riders.  We didn't get to ride but had a fun day wandering around Kentucky.

I also got to see the rest of my Amazon Camperforce family.  Kitty, Kathy and I went up to Louisville to visit our friend Linda who is also a full time RVer and Camperforce.

I went to Lexington Kentucky one Sunday to meet Christy Wade and see my long time friend Joan.  It was a great day and a growing day.

Christy and I.  Christy does some great work.  Check out LOVEboldly.

Joan and I.  A big sister since 1996. :)

Now I'm back in New Mexico.  Hung out with a new friend in Santa Fe yesterday.  Had a great time.  Hoping to keep up the social in 2015.  I am one lucky woman to have so many wonderful people in my life.  What a great year!!